Spot

You ever wonder what it all really means? This drama you go through. The ups, downs, triumphs and failures. You ever wonder what purpose these things serve as? I do. Constantly.

I wonder if I’ll ever reach my dreams. If I‘ll ever succeed or meet everyone’s expectations of me. If I’ll ever get that husband and 2.5 kids.

I have dreams. To write for a major publication. Own a condo and have one car of my choice. Well, until I get married and then it’s time to look for a house and more cars. Everything stress free and paid for and we won’t struggle and we’ll love each other and be happy.

Do I think everything will actually be easy and breezy? No. I know I’m going to have to bust my ass and fight my way to a spot.

But all this trivial bullshit I go through…. I wonder sometimes if it’s all a part of some master plan. If it’s shaping who I am as a person. If it will even benefit me in my future.

It’s interesting to try and guess the people that will actually make it in your future. Because, we all know that everyone isn’t going to stick around. Some people are going to walk out, or fall by the wayside.

I mean, I’m living for now… But I wonder a lot. Where will I fit in this world? What slice of the pie am I going to get? I’m just trying to find my little spot, like a polka dot. That’s all.

Stop Doing The Most

Love is a battlefield and it’s not easy and it’s worth fighting for but exactly how much are you willing to take to have the love of another?

How much disrespect, sore throats from screaming and heartache is too much?

I’m still trying to find this balance of just enough. I don’t give up or walk away easily at all, but at the same time, some shit isn’t even worth it. And you’ll know when something just isn’t healthy. Nothing that anybody tells you can make you walk away either. That’s something you have to get to on your own. And you’ll get there. I promise.

Remember that.

-Eboni Merriman