So, here we are. After this roller coaster ride of back and forth, we're at this weird place where we go our separate ways. The fire is still there. Or, so I think. But we cant be. We cant make this work no matter what the other person does. Best to leave it where it is and return to our respective partners before one of ends up really fucked in the head.
I've moved on. I think, anyways. And you went back to her. And as your friend, I still don't think that you made the right choice. Anyone but that insane hood-rat. But I mean, that's another story for a different day. This is about what we've learned. Well, what I've learned.
And honestly, you've taught me so much. I've grown up so much in the short time from May to now. Thank you for everything you were and everything you weren't.
Fairy tales don't exist to me anymore. And if something is too good to be true, it probably is. On the bad side, you've jaded me a little. I'm skeptical of a lot now. Words mean nothing. If I don't see it, then I don't believe it. But even then, I'm still a bit unbelieving.
A friend of mine asked me if you ever wanted to come back, would I let you.........
I honestly now can say no. You've put me through too much. I'm too scarred from this whole thing.
Black roses for this dead love.
1.24.2011
1.11.2011
Shut your mouth!
So, I've been reading "The 48 Laws of Power" and one of the laws touch on saying less than necessary.
I must admit, I've broken this law many times. I've spoke how I felt, broke my "poker face", etc. all for temporary satisfaction. I wanted the other person to know how I felt, maybe even FEEL an ounce of what I felt. But that's where the problems begin. They know too much. You've let this other person in now, and they have a glimpse into what you're really about. They can now use this to their advantage.
They've won.
The more you say, the more common you appear. Its all about mystery. I know this from personal experience. Whenever people don't know much about you, they start to speculate and spin these fairy-tales about who you are and what you're about. People want in. They're curious and want to find out what's really under the proverbial hood of YOU.
One thing I'm trying to learn is to keep my mouth closed. Don't let everyone in. We're all playing this power game, whether we want to admit it or not. And I'm playing for keeps. You clearly display your insecurities with too many words. I see it happening, as I type this.
"The human tongue is a beast that few can master. It strains constantly to break out of its cage, and if it is not tamed, it will run wild and cause you grief." -Robert Greene
Silence makes people uncomfortable. It causes you to appear profound, mysterious and powerful. Utilize it. Say less than necessary.
I must admit, I've broken this law many times. I've spoke how I felt, broke my "poker face", etc. all for temporary satisfaction. I wanted the other person to know how I felt, maybe even FEEL an ounce of what I felt. But that's where the problems begin. They know too much. You've let this other person in now, and they have a glimpse into what you're really about. They can now use this to their advantage.
They've won.
The more you say, the more common you appear. Its all about mystery. I know this from personal experience. Whenever people don't know much about you, they start to speculate and spin these fairy-tales about who you are and what you're about. People want in. They're curious and want to find out what's really under the proverbial hood of YOU.
One thing I'm trying to learn is to keep my mouth closed. Don't let everyone in. We're all playing this power game, whether we want to admit it or not. And I'm playing for keeps. You clearly display your insecurities with too many words. I see it happening, as I type this.
"The human tongue is a beast that few can master. It strains constantly to break out of its cage, and if it is not tamed, it will run wild and cause you grief." -Robert Greene
Silence makes people uncomfortable. It causes you to appear profound, mysterious and powerful. Utilize it. Say less than necessary.
1.10.2011
Baby, I can feel myself giving up...
You have to know when to hold 'em, fold 'em, and when to walk [run] away....
I'm living this. Sometimes we hold onto things and/or people because we know in our minds how amazing things could be if it manifested. The easy laughs, intense passion, the understanding, the body language... it all points to how amazing this could be.. how easy this relationship would be... how everyday would be even sweeter than the day before. You know that this is right. You feel it.
But how long do you hold on? When this other person is telling you they're confused and all of the signs are pointing to the opposite, how long do you hold onto your fairytale? You'd said you'd be patient and wait and be there for them and be their friend while they sort things out, but how much are you willing to take? Blatant disrespect and disregard for your feelings. The secrets and the hoops you jump through to keep the peace. The tears you mask and the nonchalant attitude you display because you KNOW. You're simply waiting for them to see what's in front of them. Realize that, its been you all along. The stress that they're going through is unnecessary, and could be deaded with a simple reality check.
What do you do when you feel yourself giving up? The fairytale is fading because you're not dumb and can clearly see what this is. It should never be this difficult. You see the love on their face, and grow angry when you realize that, that love isn't for you. They don't want you but don't want you to hurt again so they hold on, but loosely. Just enough to keep you "satisfied".
What's your breaking point?
"....after you put my heart in the bottom of your shoe, you walked back to where you hurt. & I didn't have nothing. So I went to where someone had something for me. But, he wasn't you." -Ntozake Shange
I'm living this. Sometimes we hold onto things and/or people because we know in our minds how amazing things could be if it manifested. The easy laughs, intense passion, the understanding, the body language... it all points to how amazing this could be.. how easy this relationship would be... how everyday would be even sweeter than the day before. You know that this is right. You feel it.
But how long do you hold on? When this other person is telling you they're confused and all of the signs are pointing to the opposite, how long do you hold onto your fairytale? You'd said you'd be patient and wait and be there for them and be their friend while they sort things out, but how much are you willing to take? Blatant disrespect and disregard for your feelings. The secrets and the hoops you jump through to keep the peace. The tears you mask and the nonchalant attitude you display because you KNOW. You're simply waiting for them to see what's in front of them. Realize that, its been you all along. The stress that they're going through is unnecessary, and could be deaded with a simple reality check.
What do you do when you feel yourself giving up? The fairytale is fading because you're not dumb and can clearly see what this is. It should never be this difficult. You see the love on their face, and grow angry when you realize that, that love isn't for you. They don't want you but don't want you to hurt again so they hold on, but loosely. Just enough to keep you "satisfied".
What's your breaking point?
"....after you put my heart in the bottom of your shoe, you walked back to where you hurt. & I didn't have nothing. So I went to where someone had something for me. But, he wasn't you." -Ntozake Shange
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