The Big Switch.

I don’t think I’ve ever realized, until now, how deeply I loved. I don’t mean just in relationships, but I’m talking about just about everything I get involved in. I have a tendency to fall deep for things. Like say, my friendships, my family, my love of pink, shoes, make-up, and Beyonce… yeah. I’m so serious.


The people I associate myself with, I truly want the best for them. I want to fiercely protect them, I want for them to be happy, and I want their success more than my own. It’s weird, I know. I honestly would body someone over my friends. The thought scares me. I think I came to this realization once I finally let go of the whole “ex” situation. I woke up one day and was just over it. He finally got want he wanted. He was happy. So, even though it wasn’t me, I was okay. What the everloving fuck was that about?!

Why couldn’t I stay mad, sad or bitter? Why couldn’t I feel what was totally normal and justified? Why wasn’t I hurt? He always talked about what he wanted and what I couldn’t give him at the time. Someone did. It wasn’t me, but from the outside looking in, he was on the path to his happily ever after. So, I was good. I loved him that deep that I was still rooting for him and wishing for his success and happiness. I was praying for him to just… make it. I didn’t want him to struggle; I wanted all of his dreams to come true. The same prayers that I was saying when we were together, I was still praying them.

As I type this, my mind is screaming, “WHAT PART OF THE GAME IS THIS?!?!?!” and I’m honestly not sure. Maybe my readers can help me understand. I’m still young. I’m still learning. So, I honestly don’t have an answer. But I went from wanting to key the fuck out of his pretty little car to wanting to shake his hand, smile, and say “….my man” in my Frank Lucas “American Gangster” voice. Whoa.