Fighting

        I’m not sure why I feel like I’m always doing the most in my relationships. Maybe it’s in how I was raised or simply my personality but I always tend to give so much of myself. I’m fighting for US and pushing for the relationship but I get left with the feeling that the action isn’t being reciprocated. It’s terrible, but I go these head-trips about whether or not, if I fell back and let the chips fall where they may, would I even BE in this relationship. Would the calls/texts cease if I didn’t initiate them? Would this person even come around and check for me if I decided to let them make the plans and waited for them to tell me that they wanted to see me? That scares me.

            It shouldn’t be like that. I shouldn’t be doing all the fighting, pushing, and longing. I’m a damn good girlfriend, and I deserve a good man. I’ve convinced myself of that fact. I don’t HAVE to accept the bottom of the barrel, and I won’t.

            There’s someone that I want, but the truth of the matter is, he doesn’t seem to want it as bad as I do. He claims that, “it’s not that simple.” I call bullshit because if you want something bad enough, you’d fight for it. Point blank, period. You’d fight and you wouldn’t give up and you wouldn’t make a million excuses as to why it wouldn’t work and you’d allow me to be here.

            And don’t give me that load of crap about looking out for me. I’m a consenting adult. I know what I’m signing up for and what I’m getting myself into. But, because I’M fighting for what I perceive is something real, I’m willing to work on it.

            So why can’t I get the same?

            I just want someone that’s willing to fight for me. For us… Is that too much to ask for?